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« Why is Carl Levin in Iraq calling for the ouster of Iraq’s Maliki? | Main | On vacation »

August 21, 2007



"Drunks and bears don’t mix"

The bear disagrees.

Frank Warner

Maybe it's beers and bears don't mix.


"Don't feed the animals" is an instruction I always live by.


Frank's gone! Let's trash the place. I'll start.


Fairly mild, but it's better to start small and work you're way up. Plus they're fairly gross and crusty (one look under my desk and you'll agree).


Also, poop. Face it people. Boogers are great, but you can't truly trash a place without poop. It's not rocket science.

This pandemonium I'm trying to create totally reminds me of a story about a bunch of kids who were stranded on an island with no help from the outside world. It was horrifying to read as we watched child turn upon child. I think it was called 'A Tale of Two Cities'.

Regardless, the end result was that the children realized that libertarianism/conservatism was the ONLY chance for a harmonious future, so they elected a stable government on that platform that not only allowed them to prosper, it also piped their poop off somewhere and allowed their garbagemen to haul off their boogers at a minimum charge.

Man, that was a GOOD book.


That book would be "Lord of the Flies".


Let's compromise. 'Lord of the Two Cities'. Deal?

jj mollo

And they all lived together in perfect accordion, eventually finding a way to get Lawrence Welk on cable. You have to make sure that what you pipe in is better than what you pipe out.


I had forgotten about that part! Remember now how shocking it was to learn that Lawrence Welk was actually a robot sent from another planet to rule our world with his accordion of death?

Also, boobies! I can't believe you guys aren't taking advantage of the cat being away.


Did you know that Frank Warner has three wives in two different states? I'm not surprised you didn't. He hasn't told them either.


I heard Frank Warner beat up a homeless man. He said, "I'm generally supportive of homeless people, but that guy was too homeless. He had it coming."


I heard he punched an Iraq war vet and called him a baby terrorist killer.


Q: Why did the dinosaurs all die 65 million years ago?
A: Frank Warner.


Don't get into a fist fight with Frank Warner. He coats his entire body in Crisco every morning 'just in case' so your blows will glance off of him.


Kevin, let's face it, you don't make a very good troll ;)


A man can dream, Nicholas.


Frank is such a communist that he cuts out men's tongues so they can 'spit red'.


Cambodians were asked: "Who do you fear more: Pol Pot, or Frank Warner?"

Frank won unanimously.


Scotland became a vassal to England because of a dare between (little known) Lenny the Bruce and Frank Warner, when Frank downed an entire quart of Scotch in a single quaff. Lenny accepted the loss, but complained bitterly (yet humorously) about it until the day he died. Also, he had quite a mouth on him.


I'm starting to think he is not really in England, but is actually in Cuba carrying out a hit job. In his special assignment for the Company, he may have gone off to England after he finished the job in Cuba. I don't know...


Well, it wouldn't be for the first time. Let's not forget how Frank basked in English sunlight for two weeks after he killed Marilyn Monroe with a wink of his eye.

Cold and cruel. That's what Frank is.


Frank Warner Made Stephen Lynch write this song, so evil is his will. (It's not even remotely SFW, and I haven't found the exact passage in the Bible proving this, but I think you will go to hell if you watch it. Yup, Frank is THAT evil.)

jj mollo

That song could use a little accordion of death. Nice eyeball action.


I felt horrible about posting it on a respectable site, but I couldn't help it. 'Craig Christ'. It was too funny. I blame Vick. Or the secretly gay Idaho guy. Either one.


Ps. I blame Frank.

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