'Strong women': The debate question that torpedoed the Kerry campaign

Bob Schieffer of CBS admitted yesterday he was going for a "Hallmark Card moment" with his question, at the third presidential debate (Oct. 13), about the influence of the women in the candidates’ lives.

Schieffer said he has taken flak for the question, which he thought would let the candidates loosen up at the end of three hard-fought debates. It did. But some called the question trivial.

I have the feeling most of the criticism came from Sen. John Kerry’s supporters.

Schieffer directed the What-have-women-taught-you question first to President Bush, and Bush scored high points with his quick and funny response, "To listen to them." The audience, solemnly silent to that point, broke up with laughter.

Kerry, on the other hand, dug himself a hole by accidentally stealing an old Bush line about "marrying up." Kerry said Bush, Schieffer and he all had "married up." But as soon as Kerry uttered that phrase, his orange face turned red. He heard the audience stir. They were thinking aloud – and giggling – about how Kerry had married the near-billionaire Teresa Heinz.

Nervous laughter. Realizing he inadvertently had raised the unflattering matter of his profitable second marriage, Kerry added, on "marrying up," "And some would say maybe me moreso than others." The nervous laughter grew.

"But I can take it," Kerry said awkwardly, slapping on a Gomer Pyle grin as his mind raced for a way out. He abruptly changed the subject from Schieffer’s question, which specifically asked about wives and daughters, and talked instead about his dead mother.

For the record, here is Schieffer’s question, and the two candidates’ answers:

Schieffer: We’ve come, gentlemen, to our last question. And it occurred to me as I came to this debate tonight that the three of us share something. All three of us are surrounded by very strong women. We're all married to strong women. Each of us have two daughters that make us very proud.

I'd like to ask each of you, what is the most important thing you've learned from these strong women?

Bush: To listen to them.

(LAUGHTER)

To stand up straight and not scowl.

(LAUGHTER)

I love the strong women around me. I can't tell you how much I love my wife and our daughters.

I am -- you know it’s really interesting. I tell the people on the campaign trail, when I asked Laura to marry me, she said, ‘Fine, just so long as I never have to give a speech.’ I said, ‘OK, you've got a deal.’ Fortunately, she didn’t hold me to that deal. And she's out campaigning along with our girls. And she speaks English a lot better than I do. I think people understand what she's saying.

But they see a compassionate, strong, great first lady in Laura Bush. I can't tell you how lucky I am. When I met her in the backyard at Joe and Jan O'Neill's in Midland, Texas, it was the classic backyard barbecue. O'Neill said, ‘Come on over. I think you'll find somebody who might interest you.’ So I said all right. I walked over there. There was only four of us there. And not only did she interest me, I guess you would say it was love at first sight.

Schieffer: Senator Kerry?

Kerry: Well, I guess the president and you and I are three examples of lucky people who married up.

(LAUGHTER)

And some would say maybe me moreso than others.

(LAUGHTER)

But I can take it.

(LAUGHTER)

Can I say, if I could just say a word about a woman that you didn't ask about, but my mom passed away a couple years ago, just before I was deciding to run. And she was in the hospital, and I went in to talk to her and tell her what I was thinking of doing.

And she looked at me from her hospital bed and she just looked at me and she said, ‘Remember: integrity, integrity, integrity.’ Those are the three words that she left me with.

And my daughters and my wife are people who just are filled with that sense of what's right, what's wrong.

They also kick me around. They keep me honest. They don’t let me get away with anything. I can sometimes take myself too seriously. They surely don't let me do that.

And I'm blessed, as I think the president is blessed, as I said last time. I've watched him with the first lady, who I admire a great deal, and his daughters. He’s a great father. And I think we’re both very lucky.

That final question might have saved Bush’s re-election campaign. Kerry had come across as the better debater, but Bush again had proven there was something comfortingly common about him. Bush was friendly, likeable. Kerry was formal, cold.

It’s probably not the best way to choose a president. It would be better to pick leaders based on how much they are dedicated to defending freedom and freeing the oppressed. But it isn’t always so.

Human factor. Kerry himself was the beneficiary of the intangible "human factor" back in January, when he joined in a snowball fight with news reporters from The New York Times, ABC and CBS. He looked like someone you might like. And it didn’t hurt that, five days later, Kerry’s former Vietnam swift boat mate Jim Rassman flew out to Iowa and declared, "I owe him my life."

With likeability on his side, Kerry knocked out the former favorite, Howard Dean, in the Jan. 19 Iowa caucuses and the Jan. 27 New Hampshire primary, and his nomination was all but sealed.

Voters don’t necessarily want the smoothest, fastest or most passionate orator for president. They want someone of at least basic competence, and they want assurance that person will react to events with common sense and human feeling.

Bob Schieffer’s Hallmark question, and its many responses, revealed the critical importance of that unmeasurable quality.

Frank Warner

Comments

[jj]

I liked Kerry's response. I thought it was charming and self-deprecating. The broader question, which Kerry seemed to understand, is how the women in his life influence him.

I thought Bush was the one who flopped on that question. It seemed like a stupid answer to me, and I thought people were laughing because they were surprised and felt sorry for him.

Have you decided to vote for Bush?

[Frank Warner]

No way I'd vote for Bush, as personable as he might seem to me. He's more likely to guide Iraq through to democracy, and that is critically important. But after that, he's too conservative on everything else (except on deficit spending, if that's liberal), and he's too likely a target for government paralysis. Second terms generally aren't kind to presidents, and Bush already has an army of bitter opponents and conspiracy theorists lined up against him.

Kerry could get my vote if he gave one strong speech announcing his firm commitment to democracies in both Afghanistan and Iraq. But as my goofy "Freedom Count" proves again and again, freedom and democracy are not words that flow regularly from Kerry's mouth.

Kerry would shift more of the tax burden on the rich. I'm with him there, but how petty is that compared to a freer world? (And by the way, one study shows that Bush's tax cuts actually place a higher percent of the tax burden on Americans with incomes in the top 20 percent. The problem is, the tax rates are too low overall to meet expenses.) The rest of Kerry's ideas are uninspiring and feel a little too calculated.

So far, I'm likely to vote for Nader. He has a lifetime of practical achievements in Washington. He's a real liberal in the "eyes open" sense. (I mean he doesn't close his eyes and wish big problems would go away on their own.)

On Iraq, I disagree with Nader, but he has said he wants a "responsible withdrawal," which might work, depending on the details. His Arab-American background also might help at this time.

OK, I'm not naive enough to think Nader has a chance of election. It's just that, in Nader, there is something genuine to vote for.

[jj]

Yes. Ralph Nader is the genuine article. In a better world he would have a chance. I'll be voting for A or B though, not C.